Day 1

Day 1 – Looking back at all my previous attempts and all my previous day 1 entries.  I’ve been trying to have a successful day 1 for many years.  I can usually get through the first day without much trouble.  But after a few days or even a week I get distracted and lose momentum.  I haven’t had a successful month in many years.  Today marks the end of an era of weight loss attempts.

No longer will I attempt to lose weight.  I will succeed, because I am no longer trying.  I am simply doing it.  No more excuses.  No more indecision.  I’ve lost a significant amount of weight before simply by eating sensible portion sizes and not eating out as much.  Although I did cut out all sweets before and was successful for several years.  I believe with will power alone I can do this again and make it permanent.  I can’t abstain from all the foods I love forever.  But I can refrain from eating very unhealthy foods such as candy and soda.

I feel like I’m talking to myself all the time even though I’m posting this on a highly visible media such as the internet.  Maybe I don’t get any traffic.  I’m not really sure.  So here is an attempt for you to communicate with me.  My user name is admin and the domain after the @ symbol is cougleopard.com  So if you can figure that out shoot me an email if you wish.

Beginning of a lifelong journey!

Hey there.  My name is Jeremy and I have struggled with weight loss for many years.  I’m 36 years old and have had the same job since I was 15.  I really enjoy the company of animals and love to hike outdoors.  I would love to find more people with similar interests.  If I could find someone who is on a weight loss journey of their own that would be even better.  I’m not looking for any special relationships or anything, just friends. 

I’m not really sure why I overeat other than I really enjoy the flavor of foods and like to eat as much as possible to savor the flavors.  I know that boredom is a big trigger for me.  If I have nothing to do for hours at a time, then food is an easy time killer.  I don’t think that I eat for emotional reasons.    Maybe if I found a hobby to keep myself active I might find it easier to abstain from snacking.

There are so many things I would love to be able to do with my life.  But many of them revolve around a healthier lifestyle.  There are weight restrictions for almost anything anymore.  Such as helicopters charging more for overweight riders.  To airplanes making their seats smaller every year.  Almost everyone hates to see a fat person walk onto a plane.  Hoping to high heaven that we don’t sit next to them. 

There are many stereotypes associated with being overweight.  People think that because you are overweight that you are a slob and that you smell really badly.  They act like it’s a disease that they can catch by having our fat rolls touch them during a flight.  You can just see the look in their eyes as you walk down the aisle. 

Just a few of the activities that have a weight restriction or size limit ; scooters, airplane seats, helicopter rides, canoeing, rafting, rock climbing, rappelling, bungee jumping, sky diving, scuba diving, trampolines, segways, horse back riding, camel riding, elephant riding, mule riding, wind tunnels, parasailing, and many others.  Every time I want to do an activity such as a cruise ship excursion.  I have to check to make sure that I’m not too heavy for the activity.  Either I take up too much space on the bus to and from the activity.  Or the equipment that I will be using is not suited for a person of my size. 

It really sucks to have to scrutinize everything I do.  For once I would just like to go to Frontier City and not have to worry about whether I’m going to fit in on the roller coaster I want to ride.  Speaking of which.  I haven’t been to a theme park in over 5 years because the last time I went to one was Dollly World.  I went on a roller coaster and the guy had to literally put all of his weight onto the harness to make it click into the mechanism.  It was so tight that I could hardly breath.  Add  to it the fact that it was humiliating that he had to work so hard to make me fit.  I just decided not to ride anymore rides that day.  I haven’t tried to go to any others since then.  

Even when I go to the state fair.  All I can do is walk around and look in the buildings.  While sampling some of the delicious carnie food.

So today is the day!!!  I’m tired of making excuses and then binge eating when no one is looking.  I’m going to do this for me, not anyone else.  My life as an overweight individual is over.  I may not get down to what they might consider to be my perfect weight.  But I will get down to at least 200 lbs.  That is a promise to myself!

To show that I mean business I am going to post my current pictures on the net.

12:00 – 04/14/2018 – 289.8 lbs

Why, oh why do I overeat?

As the title says, I cannot fathom why I sabotage my weight loss efforts on a daily basis.  I go out to buy cookies, cheese dip, hot chocolate, and candy on a regular basis.  I tell myself every night at midnight that tomorrow is the day for weight loss.  But tomorrow comes, I get a little hungry and find something unhealthy to shove in my gullet. 

I believe that I eat for the sensations that accompany fatty, salty, and sugary foods.   It gives me a temporary high.  I want to savor the flavor as much as possible so I overeat to the point where I am very uncomfortable.  Take today for instance.  For breakfast I had 2 eggs scrambled with 1 sausage patty crumbled up inside.  I added a little cheese to the top of this concoction.  For lunch I had 2 polish sausage sandwiches and a jalapeno sausage sandwich covered in shredded cheese.  Later on around 4pm I had almost an entire bag of chewy candies, and 1 package grandma vanilla cream cookies.  For dinner I ate 6 spicy picante burritos from El Monterey.  For a snack shortly after I had almost an entire pan of cheese dip with chips.

Tonight I stopped eating just before I felt terribly uncomfortable.  I still have a little discomfort an hour later.  After brushing my teeth, flossing, and taking my vitamins I once again contemplate my weight loss goals.  I really want to lose weight again but I keep sabotaging myself with comfort foods.  I know I don’t need them, but it’s like a drug.  Something in them keeps calling me back to them.  Whether it be the sugar, salt, or a combination of all 3 I’m not sure.  What I do know is that a food addiction is one of the hardest addictions to treat.  While you can give up alcohol if your a drunk, you can give up cigarettes if you’re a smoker, and can give up drugs if you’re a heroin addict.  Food addiction is something that you have to address every day.   Because you need food in order to survive.  You can quit cold turkey on all the addictions and keep them out of the house.  But if you do that with food you’ll eventually die.

So I need to find the will power within myself to say no to unhealthy foods every single day for the rest of my life.  After doing it for a while it does get easier.  But if you’re weak even for a minute you’ll find yourself binging.

Reasons I Want To Lose Weight

Here are several reasons I want to lose weight.  Something to look at in moments of weakness.

  • Being able to take a helicopter ride without paying extra.
  • Being able to get on a roller coaster ride without the guy putting all his weight into the restraint bar to securely fasten me in.
  • Being able to fit into an airplane seat without having to tuck in my arms to prevent my sides from overflowing the arm rests.
  • Being able to squat down without pain in my knees.
  • Being able to bend over without pain in my lower back.
  • Being able to get up and down without general pain.
  • Being able to find clothes that fit easily at the store without having to go online for fat people’s clothes.
  • To reduce the amount of sweat that I produce. *Fat People Generate Lot’s Of Heat*
  • To reduce the amount of skin folds that require washing between during showers.
  • To be able to wash more articles of clothing at one time. *Bigger Clothes Take Up More Room*
  • Not having people look at you like you are lazy.
  • Not having to constantly check weight restrictions for cruise line excursions.
  • To stop wearing out furniture so quickly. *Sagging Couch Cushions*
  • To be able to breath easier.
  • To not feel like I’m crushing my lungs when sleeping on belly.
  • To be able to go sky diving.
  • To fit into a wet suit easily.
  • To not have to worry about the weight limit of a ladder.
  • To prevent throwing my back out.
  • To stop the slow erosion of my knees and other joints.
  • To lower my food costs.

How did I get where I am today. *Long Post*

So, many of you may wonder how I came to be the weight I am today.  Well if you have the time, I’ll tell you.

It started when I was a child.  My dad loves to snack on various foods.  My grandma ran a small daycare in her home so she always had really good snacks on hand.  I can remember being outside playing with the other kids.  I would run back into the house and grab a cookie or two out of the bag on the counter.  Or sometimes I would sneak out into the laundry room and take some out of the freezer located there.

I’d go outside and play for a bit longer.  Then I would come back in for more snacks.  I’m sure my grandma knew I was doing this but she never told me no.  As for at home.   I would go into the cupboard or freezer and eat most if not all of a particular snack.  Such as when my dad would make rice crispy treats.  I would eat most of them, leaving my dad 1 or 2.

I always had 2nd’s and 3rd’s at every meal when it was made available to me.  I would often lay on the floor in front of the television and eat as quickly as possible to beat my sister to the leftovers. 

The school cafeteria would allow you to buy a second portion usually for only $1.00 more at lunch time.  So on days where they were serving something really tasty I would try to have extra money to do so.  I had friends who didn’t particularly care for cafeteria food and would often give me their entree as well.

I always made sure I had money for movie friday’s.  The janitor would sell bags of popcorn for 50 cents and teachers would open their classroom closets with candy for purchase.  Of course the cafeteria sold ice cream every Tuesday.

There was one day in particular I can remember from Townsend Elementary School.  I don’t remember what grade I was in.  But I do remember it was my day to help in the cafeteria.  Such as cleaning tables, taking the trash out, etc..  After doing everything that was asked of me the cafeteria lunch lady brought out a whole pan of pizza.  There were 12 slices of pizza on the tray for 3 or 4 of us to share.  These were square slices of pizza probably 6 inches by 4 inches.  The were my fondest memory of school lunches.  They had crumbled Italian Sausage on them.  While it may have been meant for all of us.  None of the other kids on cafeteria duty wanted any of the pizza.  So I sat there and ate until I couldn’t stomach another bite.   I consumed at least 6 of the slices that I am sure of.

Moving ahead into my Junior High years.  They had more options for lunch then Elementary School.  I remember the Oatis Spunkmeyer Cookies.  They were 3 for $1.00 and I always splurged on at least 3, sometimes 6.

In High School we could finally leave school and eat off campus.  So we had the cafeteria, off campus food and another lunch option that we could choose foods such as frito chili pie and other various junk foods.  I would often go to my class after lunch with anywhere from 3 – 12 cookies to snack on.   Looking back I can say that I paid more attention to eating the cookies then I did to my schoolwork sometimes.

On summer holiday between High School years I found the joy of staying up all night and sleeping all day.  When my parents were getting up for the day I was just going to sleep.  When my dad was getting home for the day I was just waking up.  So I would often eat what my mom made for dinner as my breakfast.  Then I would stay up all night watching television and eating whatever I could find.  I often went to Homeland across the street and got individual brownie baking kits.  Just big enough for 4 brownies, but I’d usually just eat the brownie dough.

Very seldom did I ever actually cook the brownies.  Also on the menu were cookies, Taco Bueno, cheese dip, ice cream and whatever other snack foods I could make. 

This went on until I got hired on at the job I have now.  I got a call one day asking if I wanted a job where my dad worked.  I started out working full days until school started.  It wasn’t every day.  Just on busy days and weekends.  When school started I’d work from 3:30 to 7pm a couple nights a week. 

I often ate ice cream and snacks while at work and they kept a written tab to keep track of these things.  At the end of the week they would subtract them from my check.  There were a few times that I had eaten so much the boss came out of the office and told me to grab an ice cream bar.  That was all I had left of my check.  That continued on for a few years until I started working full time.

When I was 18 I gave up drinking soda all together.  I was drinking about 2 liters or a 12 pack of coke a day.  I can remember to this day the headaches I suffered for a week straight from caffeine withdrawal.

Then in 2005 when I started volunteering at my local zoo.  I started eating healthy and working Sunday’s with the animals.  I lost over 70 lbs by walking everyday and limiting my food intake.  I was doing really good until 2007 when the zoo staff decided to go to Africa to learn more about cheetah’s.  I was walking 3 or 4 miles a day every day of the week without a day off for over 2 years. 

Then we went to Africa and the first night me and a few friends went for a walk we were chased by a rhinoceros.  After that I didn’t walk anymore on my vacation.  That coupled with the work we had to do to help offset the cost of the trip and the limited portions we were given.  The first time we went to a convenience store. I stocked up on sweets and other foods I had prevented myself from eating for at least 2 years.

So when I got home I was no longer in the mood to walk anymore.  After missing 2 weeks of walking I simply didn’t have it in me anymore.  So I quickly got back up to 280 lbs.

Fast forward to today.  I don’t drink sodas often.  Maybe a couple times a month.  When I do drink soda it is sprite.  I don’t drink anything else such as coffee, tea, caffeinated beverages, etc..   I drink water 99% of the time.

However I love to eat foods high in fat, and salt.  Such as when I make cheese dip.  I’ll combine 1 lb velveeta, 1/2 a can of hot rotel, 1/2 a can of mexican style rotel, and a can of water.  I’ll eat the entire pan full of cheese dip along with a party size bag of tostitos scoops.  I’ll eat an entire large pizza from just about anywhere.  Just recently I’ve started making a batch of cookie dough.  Eating half of the dough and then eating some of the cookies after baking them.  All while making cheese dip as well.  So on these nights I easily consume 4-6000 calories.

I have been going up and down on my weight for years.  I’ve never quite gotten back down to the 200 lb mark I hit in 2007.  But I’ve gotten down to as low as 250 and as high as 317 lbs.  I swore to myself I would never be over 300 lbs. When I hit that mark I was upset with myself.  I did get back under 300 and haven’t been back over that number in over a year.  But I’ve been close.

I just need to find the will power again to do what I know needs to be done.  Farewell for the night.  I’m tired!

Comparison Pics

Here is a comparison of what I used to look like after weight loss and how I look now after gaining all that weight back.

This has been posted here a long time.  But it has always been password protected.

Hopes and Dreams

Contained herein is a list of things that I would love to achieve in my lifetime!

  • Visit the Grand Canyon
  • Learn to repel
  • Repel down into a vertical cave
  • Sky dive
  • Go parasailing
  • Visit an active volcano
  • Visit the catacombs Rome
  • Leave our atmosphere in a space craft
  • Buy a brand new car
  • Own a home of my own with some land
  • Get down to under 200 lbs
  • Hike at least 1 of the 7 summits
  • Walk a good portion of the Appalachian Trail
  • Own a German Shepard
  • More to come!